Cross #13.1202

Bayard, NE

I shared my story with Elizabeth at Spring Assembly of the Council of Catholic Women.  I am mother of 9, but no heroic example of virtue. It is a constant struggle to realize that every one of them has rejected all that I tried to teach them.  There have been many very bad years of various forms of abuse.  I have never been hit, other than that you name it I’ve been subjected to it. My experience of ‘love’ is that of absolute control, ridicule, complete dehumanization and so much more.  I learned early on that I was incapable of forming a thought that might be believed.  I was told directly that only ‘he’ was capable of knowing my mind, anything I wanted, thought, liked, needed ‘he’ ALWAYS knew differently, how dare I think I could possibly know anything at all.  That I and the children were worthless and discardable.  Being told I am  loved is a hollow statement now.I separated my life from the abuse at least somewhat many years ago but the effects and memory remain. My faith is my foundation.