I found my way indirectly to AnsweredPrayersCross Ministry. Our art class had to find a temporary location in the midst of a longer term move. As I walked into the large room I could definitely sense a peaceful spirit and was very pleased to be here. Artists many times have very temperamental spirits and it hasn’t been easy to stay in the midst of them when you don’t fit the profile. I have never done anything in art and was looking for a creative outlet after ten years in Inner Healing and Deliverance Ministry. You can really get burned out always ministering to the problems of others. Doing deep healing for those coming from traumatic abuse can be very challenging and rewarding but also very draining. There isn’t always support from other ministers because they don’t understand the need people have. Each experience is individual and requires individualized care. It doesn’t fit a standard counseling approach.
Every week I would walk around the studio studying each of the crosses, praying and looking to receive something from the Holy Spirit about the story each one might tell. The second week I was able to spend some time with Elizabeth to learn more about her story and the story behind the Cross ministry. I was very moved by the inventive approach of ‘passing the cross on’ to someone else, not making it a possession. I must admit I was very tempted to pick out those that spoke to me and keep them on the wall at home. But that would negate the purpose. We had a long lunch break today so I took the time to go through every shelf, every box, every table and all the walls three times looking for the perfect crosses. I couldn’t find the ‘pretty’ ones; I found the ones that were ‘precious’, chosen by Him. I bought five.
This is the fourth one I am registering. It has the words ‘So tiny, So small, So loved by all’ stamped into the cross with a green wash painted over it. I picked up and put down this cross many times over the weeks as I explored the studio. I thought so much of the trauma that these words would cause someone, that this cross was not one that would be received joyously. How could these words be healing? I did not have a joyous childhood and had a mother that did not like her children. She was someone that went about strategically destroying relationships and self-image. Late in my life she told me that she had tried to abort me. She took two of the shots and then got scared and didn’t take the third. Then she worried that I would be born deformed. Her only concern was for herself (look at poor me) and her life, and not the affect of her words or actions on me. She whispered this in my ear so no one else would hear at a party where everyone else was happy. Then she smiled and moved on. She had done her destructive work and was satisfied. Throughout the years when she saw me smiling or happily conversing with someone else, she made her way to me to cause trouble. I never understood how a mother could so dislike her own children.
More damage is done by words spoken and nurturing that is withheld than by physical abuse. One of the reasons I sought out inner healing and deliverance for myself was to get rid of the nasty curses and lies that were spoken over me. Now I wish this for everyone and that they would find a safe haven in order to find the person that God made them from before they were born. The words on this cross are a reminder that we are loved from before our birth. God was telling me to take this cross because someone else will need to know this too. They might not have been chosen by their birth parents but they were definitely chosen by God. Hearts can be mended and minds renewed, the tapes of the past erased; you don’t have to stay in a place that someone else has made for you. God has a plan for all of us and it is good. I have continuously received a prophetic word spoken over me for over 25 years. It just took me a while to believe it.
11 ‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.