Cross #15.368


The cross was placed in my mailbox a few days later after an IEP meeting for my daughter& a long night of tears. I have 2 little ones with autism (non verbal)who are becoming more than we can handle: running away,aggressive behaviors,tantrums,sleep depravation(when we are lucky we sleep 4hrs) & the worst of all is that these little angels triggers each others behaviors,so somedays it can be quite challenging. Since We don’t have family here or any help from the government we try our best to take turns to take care of them& to try to sleep. We’ look more like caregivers than a marriage or a family. It’s depressing not to even be able to go out on my own with both of them(we need a person for each child) & the most hurtful part is that we can’t attend to church because there are not trained people to deal with them. We were very active in church until we confronted this situation.
We both work full time jobs &my husband goes to college to be in a better financial situation to be able to provide what they need &to make future decisions because we’re getting older & they’re getting bigger & stronger . In 2weeks we’re moving the kids to an autism clinic/school with the idea of increasing the chances of keeping them together because who wants to give up on their own child? I’m grateful because they’re healthy kids, because I get a lot of hugs and kisses, because we’re in a country with resources for autism and because they don’t have to live in a war with them but at the same time our sanity is in the line. It doesn’t matter how optimistic you try to be or how much you pray the only thing for sure is that the next morning you’ll open your eyes to deal with the same thing…like a battlefield, a feeling of being stuck that I can’t get rid off. I guess I need to mature more because I love my kids but I don’t smile when people tell me,”God gives special kids to special parents”. Not true! Come  and try to be me for one day…you can’t even eat peacefully or take a shower to relax (those are luxuries). I rather not to be that special…lol
… I hang up from a promise,” It looks this way but it won’t be this way”…I guess I’m just super exhausted because I do have the faith…
Thanks for listening. God bless!